An Unpromising Project
by MissRizu
Summary: Featuring our favorite characters visiting Pemberley shortly after Elizabeth and Darcy's marriage, poor behavior by Mr. Collins, and a heart-to-heart between Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bennet. This is a sequel of sorts to my two previously posted stories, An Unexpected Proposal and An Unassuming Gentleman, but works perfectly well alone. Part 1/3.


The carriage rounded the corner, revealing the stately house and grounds of Pemberley. Mr. Collins prepared his compliments, with no lack of items to choose from. He prepared remarks incorporating the great columns, grounds, and well situated lake. In truth, he saw no end to the compliments he could pay.

But, he had to remember his mission. He was on strict commission from Lady Catherine de Bourgh. He was to observe and report back on the bearing and comportment of his cousin, the new mistress of Pemberley. Lady Catherine had given him specific instructions, to observe the linens, the grounds, the bearing of the servants, the food at table, the type of candles, the polish on the chairs, tables and other wooden surfaces, the sheen of the mirrors and the quality of Elizabeth as a hostess. Mr. Collins ran through the list again, for the hundredth time, as their carriage pulled to a halt in front of the large doors.

A servant opened their door and helped out Mrs. Collins, a second servant coming to take the bags. The servants were quiet and efficient, Mr. Collins noted, no signs of degeneration in discipline. He made a mental notation. He prided himself on his fine memory, and had already began the composition of his report to lady Catherine as the lord and lady of the house greeted them. They both looked in good health, though Mr. Collin's noted there was wear on Elizabeth's hem, and the style of her gown was at least two years out of date, and altogether her couture was not equal to Anne's. He filed this piece of information to bring out later for Lady Catherine's gratification.

"Mr. Darcy, I must thank you, indeed I must, for the honor of this invitation for myself and my wife."

"It seems Elizabeth could not do without Charlotte any longer. I would never wish to stand between such friendship."

Elizabeth had greeted Charlotte with a warm smile and hug, showing a rather unladylike enthusiasm, to Mr. Collin's eye. Mr. Darcy placed a hand on Elizabeth's shoulder and she turned, her smile growing wider as he whispered something to her. Though Mr. Collins strained his ears he could not make out the words. Mr. Collins, watching their interactions carefully in an effort to catch any signs of discord between the pair, thought he discerned a slight tension in Mr. Darcy's shoulders as he pulled away. Elizabeth then turned and met Mr. Collins' eyes, causing him to take a step back.

"I am going to take Charlotte on a tour of the house. Mr. Collins, would you join us?"

"I am sure I would not wish to intrude on you ladies," Mr. Collins objected. "If Mr. Darcy would be so good as to show me."

He wanted the opportunity to speak with Mr. Darcy alone, to attempt to find hints of dissatisfaction he might report back to Lady Catherine. Mr. Darcy's eyes widened slightly at the suggestion, and Elizabeth said quickly.

"I am afraid he is quite busy with business today. You will have to content yourself with my poor company, Mr. Collins."

Mr. Collins smiled and nodded, noting at least his cousin seemed to remain modest, though he had grown more suspicious of her modesty since the news of her engagement and marriage. He listened for tones of increased self-importance, but could discern nothing different in the tenor of her conversation with Charlotte. He followed behind his wife and cousin, Mr. Darcy disappearing in the other direction.

"Lizzy, I have news for you."

"Please tell me what it is as soon as possible, Charlotte. You have me on pins and needles." the two women linked elbows, presenting what Mr. Collins had to admit was a delightfully feminine tableau. Mr. Collins smiled, having some idea of the news his wife wished to communicate, stepped closer so as to observe Elizabeth's reaction.

"A baby! Charlotte that's…" Elizabeth glanced at him when in his eagerness he accidently trod on the train of her gown. "Wonderful."

"Yes," Charlotte laughed, and then her voice got low, low enough so Mr. Collins had to lean further just to catch his wife's words. "How about you?"

Elizabeth smiled, an appealing pink blush coloring her neck but her eyes otherwise sparkling. "It is too soon to tell, Charlotte."

"Yes of course. I hope you will tell me… more," Elizabeth laughed and the two ladies glanced at Mr. Collins, who pulled back slightly so they would be unsure whether he had heard, congratulating himself for having such consideration for the private matters of ladies. Charlotte had told him before they left she was expecting an addition to the Collins household, and he was quite pleased at the prospect. He was determined to give the infant every possible advantage. He allowed himself to spend a few moments of thought on that happy prospect, before returning again to his observation of the house.

They walked through room after fine room, the procession increasing at every moment Mr. Collins' confidence that Pemberley was a great house, and providing him with extra turns of phrases and descriptions with which to embellish this opinion.

"It is a fine house, Lizzy," Charlotte said, as they moved to dark paneled room, the furniture covered in greens and windows overlooking wide lawns with a picturesque glimpse of a lake, framed beautifully by branching trees. The grounds, from here, seemed impeccable, though of course he would need to give the shrubs a more through viewing.

When Elizabeth was not looking, Mr. Collins ran his fingers over the curtains, finding the fabric thick and appropriate. He checked his reflection in the mirrors and candelabras, whose candles stood straight and tall, no hint of wax visible on the fine metal or melted into the carpets beneath, he observed, when he knelt down on his knees to check, quickly pulling himself to his feet when Elizabeth and Charlotte turned back.

"Mr. Collins, what were you doing?" Elizabeth said.

"I thought I had dropped something, but seems I was mistaken."

Of course the well cared for house only meant that Pemberley had servants who knew their duty. It was Elizabeth he would have to most carefully observe. He had to admit that her behavior so far had not been objectionable, if verging too far to the informal. He resolved to observe her closely at dinner.

"You will find we have some additions to our party for dinner this evening," Elizabeth said, as though reading the direction of his thoughts. "My sister Kitty is here, and my father has been visiting us for nearly a fortnight."

Charlotte expressed her real delight at the prospect of seeing them, and Mr. Collins as well relished the information, but for quite different purposes. That Elizabeth's country relatives were indeed invading Pemberley would greatly gratify Lady Catherine. He resolved to closely observe Mr. Darcy, and take back to Lady Catherine every flinch and frown their presence was sure to induce.

* * *

At dinner, Mr. Collins noted the silver was well polished, and the beef cooked, to his mind, to perfection. After this satisfactory perusal of the equipage, he turned his observation to the master and mistress of the house. Mr. Darcy had just spoken to Elizabeth and she was laughing, surly an excessive reaction and out of place at the dinner table, Mr. Collins reflected.

Mr. Bennet and his second youngest daughter were seated across from himself and Charlotte. Mr. Bennet had greeted him, he thought, quite warmly, and returned his inquiries about Mr. and Mrs. Wickham with admirable aplomb. Now Mr. Bennet carried on a pleasant conversation, inquiring about Lady Catherine and Anne, and what Mr. Collins' thought of Pemberley so far.

"It is a fine house, quite a fine house. After our tour this afternoon, I am quite comfortable admitting it to be equal to Rosings, which, as you know, is quite the finest house within my experience."

"Quite." Mr. Bennet smiled, taking a sip of his soup. A brief silence fell, during which Mr. Collins was sure to smile around at each member of the party. Mr. Darcy picked up his wine glass took a sip, placing it on the table, and then speaking.

"You will want to see the grounds, Mr. Collins."

"Indeed sir, indeed I would."

"You are something of a horticulturalist yourself, I believe?" Mr. Collins took this opportunity to express his appreciations for the natural world, careful to give due consideration to all of its members, from the towering trees to the humble bees, each with its place, his speech as he proceeded taking on the cadence and flow of one of his sermons. Mr. Darcy took two more sips of his wine before Mr. Collins ended.

"Yes, well, that's settled then. I am glad of your enthusiasm. I shall ask the over gardener to accompany you. I am sure Grant will be pleased to converse with you," after a whispered word from Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy added, "And I would of course be happy to join myself, should business so allow."

"That would be an honor, sir. An honor. I have often had occasion to walk the great parks around the parsonage, and the lands, you know are very extensive. I have never seen an equal to the grounds of Rosings."

"Well, Mr. Collins, I hope our park will be up to your expectations," Elizabeth said.

"Oh, yes, I have every hope of finding it so, cousin Elizabeth. Though the trees in this part of the country are not quite to my taste, I am sure I will find them quite satisfactory, quite."

The table fell silent briefly, during which Elizabeth again turned and said something softly to Darcy. Mr. Collins was beginning to find these private whispers irksome, and demoted his cousin correspondingly in her capacity as hostess. In the silence Kitty, who had been listening intently though thus far was silent, seemed to see her opportunity.

"Charlotte, Lizzy says you are expecting. I, I would like to say I am quite excited for you. For you both." Her manner was rather more reserved than previously, and her mode of expression more considered, though Mr. Collins thought she still seemed ill fitting in the house. Elizabeth smiled and Charlotte beamed, thanking Kitty for her words. Mr. Bennet looked from Charlotte to Mr. Collins over the top of his spoon.

"A child, sir? That is, I should almost think, quite a miracle."

"Thank you sir. We are blessed, indeed blessed."

"Yes, well. And congratulations, Charlotte. I wish you joy of it."

Mr. Collins, wishing to turn the attention back to their hosts, turned to the head of the table.

"I am sure you will welcome a new addition soon, as well, Mr. Darcy," in case Mr. Darcy should miss his meaning, Mr. Collins looked significantly at Elizabeth, who looked down when she caught his eye on her, and he returned her one of her lost points for this feminine delicacy.

"What? Ah, that would be very welcome. Though we are in no rush."

"Well, these things do not always come with planning."

"Mr. Collins," Charlotte said softly, placing a hand on his arm.

"What, my dear? I merely mean with such an enticing temptation, I would not be surprised…"

"Father, I have been meaning to ask you," Elizabeth's voice cut over the rest of Mr. Collins' sentence, for which he docked one further point. "Have you heard more on Mary's prospects? She had high expectations for that seat in Bath, I should like to hear how it turns out."

The rest of the dinner passed in pleasant conversation, with Elizabeth losing only three more points, once when she failed to admonish the cook properly for the fallen soufflés, and twice again for whispering with Mr. Darcy.

* * *

The dinner had gone quite to his expectations, and Mr. Bennet had retired to the small library he had commandeered, as was his habit, to ruminate on his amusement.

"Excellent, excellent," Mr. Bennet chuckled to himself and took a sip of brandy. This room had all the comforts of his library back home, but being in anther man's house, it was without the ledger books and marks of business that constantly demanded his attention or created guilt. He had stretched his feet out to the fire and opened a book when the door was pulled open, and Darcy stepped inside.

"Mr. Bennet, I realize the man is a relation of yours, and forgive me for speaking so bluntly. But I cannot stand him." Darcy said, dropping himself into one of the other chairs. This sort of interruption was different than at home, but also not unwelcome. "He followed me into my study, and proceeded to talk at length about the fine quality of beef served at my table. I never would have thought such an inane subject could be rendered so irritating. I left before he could again begin his insinuations about my domestic life, but he heading there, I assure you."

Darcy reached for a glass, the partner of Mr. Bennet's own, and poured himself his own shot of brandy. Mr. Bennet raised his glass slightly as Darcy took his first sip.

"Your sentiments are entirely reasonable, sir. I assure you I take no umbrage for you thus slandering our nearest relation. And," Mr. Bennet could not help a perhaps excessively wide smile, "I need not remind you, he is now your relation as well."

Darcy shot him a harried look and Mr. Bennet took another sip of brandy, fully enjoying himself. Darcy was a good, capable man, but he had yet to learn the sense of humor that made these episodes in life not only bearable, but a source of amusement. Mr. Bennet though he could be an aid to his son-in-law in this regard, once Darcy had cooled down from his irritation.

"I would never admit that man into this house if his wife were not such a dear friend of Elizabeth's. I do not understand how Charlotte could ever agree to marry him."

"Marrying Mr. Collins is perhaps not the wisest thing Charlotte Lucas ever did."

"Indeed not."

"But, we must not try too much to judge the actions of young ladies. Their considerations are different from our own. Elizabeth had finer prospects, but such is not always the case."

Darcy was silent, the silence which, Mr. Bennet now knew, covered deep and even Mr. Bennet had to admit, deeply respectable thoughts. As Darcy grew more distant from the memory of Mr. Collin's company, his inherent reasonableness would return and with it Mr. Bennet's chances to share his own strategies for such moments.

"That is true."

"Yes. As you might imagine, I have had occasion to think quite in depth on the psychology of young ladies. Now, Mr. Darcy. If I could be so bold as to offer a piece of advice, learned over the accumulation of my more advanced years. I would advise you to see the humor in the situation."

"I know that is what you would do. But I fear I do not have the temperament. I do not have your tolerance for the ridiculous," Darcy smiled slightly. "Perhaps it is because I have been less exposed."

"No doubt that is true." Mr. Bennet was able to smile at this subtle allusion to his wife. They had never directly discussed the matter, but Mr. Bennet had deduced enough to know what the behavior of his wife and youngest daughters had nearly cost his eldest daughters. He was grateful now Kitty's behavior had been corrected, and her prospects significantly improved, and Mary looked positioned to become a governess for some of the finest families. But his wife had not been so improved, if anything her spirits had merely been bolstered by the good matches of her eldest daughters, and he knew his own exposure to silliness was unlikely to be further diminished in this lifetime.

"I do not mean to advocate actively seeking greater exposure to the ridiculous, but consider cultivating an appreciation for such situations when they appear. It will serve you well in life, even your life, Mr. Darcy."

"We all need our aspirations, Mr. Bennet. You are not the only one who believes my humor could be better cultivated. I have also been told I am making progress. But, when it comes to those who fall within Mr. Collins' category of ridiculousness, I would rather improve where possible, than let such beings blunder about the countryside, inflicting themselves upon others."

Mr. Bennet did not miss the subtle reproach in Darcy's tones, but luckily he was also too old to take the reproach much to heart. There was an idea he had entertained in his early youth, that he might prevail upon his silly wife, that he might be able by example and instruction to temper somewhat her frivolity. But this hope had gone, along with the hope of fathering sons, and the hope of seeing his properties return a greater profit. But Darcy had resources he had never possessed, of course in wealth but also, Mr. Bennet was honest enough to admit, in persistence and character.

"You believe you may be able to improve Mr. Collins?"

"I believe he cannot be so hopeless as he appears. His character is not irredeemable. He is not malicious. If I am going to be made to socialize with him, I should like him to be tolerable."

"You realize, to pursue this unpromising project you would have to spend time in the man's company, perhaps even engage in conversation?"

"A necessary sacrifice. The man is going to be a father." There was a pause, and Mr. Bennet could see Darcy shared his own incredulous shutter at the idea. "I am sure Elizabeth would appreciate the benefit to Charlotte, and any future Collins'. And you, sir, should not be entirely disinterested in this project. After all, he is your heir."

Mr. Bennet nodded. It was very true, that should Darcy affect even a slight improvement in Mr. Collins, he would be a significant beneficiary. It was also true that Elizabeth would be grateful on behalf of her friend, and a grateful wife presented benefits of which Mr. Bennet was not insensible, though he did not make it a practice of thinking much of the domestic life of his daughter and son-in-law. But what made him smile was something else he knew, that his daughter was not so immune to the ridiculous as her husband. She could not help but find amusing the spectacle of Darcy seeking out opportunities to converse with Mr. Collins.

There was a knock on the door, followed by the awkward phrasings and sycophantic complements that left them no doubt who was on the other side. Darcy's eyes widened, not unlike the small game they would occasionally hunt on the grounds, but then he took a breath and visibly controlled his features. Mr. Bennet smiled and held up his glass in salute.

"Well, master of Pemberley, here is your chance."


End file.
